My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
