there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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