Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
