that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
