The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
