is your mom at the bar?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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