The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
