Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
