YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
