fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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