one might say we're banned from that church
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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