Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
