I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You made out with two different species that night
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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