Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
