Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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