stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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