Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
