Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
