im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
