My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize