I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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