You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
