i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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