I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need to calm my uterus...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
