We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
