I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
sarcasm needs its own font
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When did angry sex become our thing?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up under a house in Key West
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
