i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
