Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
