Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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