Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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