Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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