the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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