this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
