Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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