you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
