Apparently you make a good broom.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
