Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
