I'm lost and stupid without you.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
