It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
