I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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