Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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