did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
