Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize