Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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