Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
