he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
