They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
