I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
