is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
