Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
