I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
