Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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