new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
