I think my fart just growled at me.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Boobs are out for the taking
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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