Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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