cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
