Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
