I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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