I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
