No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Houston, we have a blender
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
