if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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