My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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