Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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