We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
