apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
