i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
