Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Come on in and take your pants off
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