Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
