brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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