I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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